Sunday, December 27, 2009

Late nite ramblings..

The start of a poem that keeps beginning - maybe I'll have to wait till I've walked these streets the four seasons for it to complete.. any suggestions would be appreciated!

The Cathedral of the Maples

I walk your aisles often, ever
in awe of the beauty and majesty
Of your ancient wisdom, it's strength
Forever growing, limbs in praise
Of the sun, but the branches bow gracefully
In reverence towards the earth.

The holy water - stored in your rays
Rich with sucrose, stored for the
Celebration of your rebirth each
Spring after your winter of rest, milked
From your trunk as the first fruits
A gift - a gift from the gods.
...
Also, an irony that I noticed, my last post so many months ago about a living history, and inadvertently I've begun to do just that as I assist with the production of End of the Road Ventures. Much history of the area is being recorded and presented this way. It's a blessing to be a part of it, even though I often dread the extra hours of work this steals away from my life!
...
For Jean, you told me to update things after my "bit of bitching" post .. well, I've managed to pay off a good portion of the debt I was in, plus paid off my vehicle just a month ago. Things are certainly looking better in that avenue :)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Living History

It really struck me just how much so we are living history right now. Not that I am saying we at a turning point in history, even though honestly I feel like I do.. but the point is, all of us, worldwide, are living in history as it is unfolding, regardless of the outcome. Many of us feel that we are going to have no impact on it. And when we look back at the way history is currently written, there are few names out of the billions of people who have lived that are remembered.

But you know what... we live in a fascinating time. We live in a time where everyone has the a voice or the potential to voice themselves. It is more and more difficult for organizations to prevent us from saying what has truly happened. And I think this is wonderful. And I think it needs to be documented.. in your voice, by your hand.

We really are doing this too, to an extent that has never before been seen. So many people with blogs and videos that are easily accessible to anyone from anywhere (think of blogspot and youtube for instance..)

Really, what more could a person contribute to this? Individually, we can all we want :) ... I'm pondering the idea of going around to various parts of the world (in part just because I want to travel) but to have people tell me their individual histories, their perspective on life, on what is happening around them, how they feel.. and to do it completely unedited and with very little to perhaps even no narration. I wouldn't want my influence in the documentation other than just the fact that I am doing it.

So.. is this a good idea? Am I being silly? If a person were to do something like this, how would you go about getting funding? That's the only problem I can envision...

Friday, May 8, 2009

Wild and Scenic Environmental Film Festival

I had the opportunity to enjoy the Wild and Scenic Environmental Film Festival tonite in Ely, Minnesota. I'm glad that I went but want to note a few things before I forget my thoughts.

  • There were very, very few people my age (28). Most were older, mid 40s and on.
  • Probably one of the best films at expressing everything was the first one - The Good Life Parable: An MBA Meets a Fisherman.
  • Diversity.. Diversity.. Diversity. That's what I kept thinking. Diversity strengthens us. But my thoughts have reached a new level of diversity: diversity of humanity. I need to expand upon this thought, perhaps in a later blog entry.
  • Science.. science is the business of nature. Keep this in mind. I keep hearing and seeing how science is going to solve all of our problems. Science is man trying to put a logical understanding upon nature. Fuck that. Nature is something you just feel, something you just know. It is a part of us all - nature is diversity. There is no right answer, there are many different ways of getting to the same path.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Diversity

Diversity is something I keep hearing of a lot, especially in regards to nature. It's really important. Diversity helps life in general to continue. There is a strength in not being like everything else. It makes you better able to exist in various conditions, especially when there is a virus/disease/plague because these things latch onto similarity, in fact require some similarity in order to make that next step.

Here's the kicker though.. we shun anything that is different, perhaps even are prejudiced against differences. Look at mankinds history: it is plagued with hatred of those who were different, whether different was of a differing religion, race, and opinion.

Our hatred for difference is most strikingly evident in the way we conduct our society.. everything has become mechanized for speed and mass production. Everything created the same or very similar. Eventually, maybe we will all have the same things materially. But when we are all 'equal', will we be happy? Will we be complete? Will we even be content?

No. We will never be even near happy until we can accept that we are all different and that our uniquenesses makes us special, both individually and as a collective whole. We can work together but we must respect together.

Here, Here. To strength in collective diversity.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Turning off the brain..

It dawned on me last nite: for the past two and a half years, I've turned my brain off. Just numbed myself, or withdrawn, from nearly everything going on around me with exception of a few minor things.. that being eating/drinking, and attempting to pay my bills.

Life has been mechanical with the exception of the few times I was able to free myself from the prison I've placed myself in. Get up, out of bed (which is probably one of the hardest parts), attend school or work, come home, do very little until eventually I become so tired that I cannot keep my eyes open. Yes, I have read a fair bit, especially deeper, more spiritual text. And yes, the past two years I've probably been on a more regimented cycle of exercise then ever before. But again, much of it was mechanical.

Ask me what I've read ... it's difficult to tell you. Ask me what happened on a day to day basis ... I cannot tell you. Ask me even what friends said about this or that... I've tuned most all of it out.

Why? For certain it was triggered from the assault I suffered. Maybe the emotional pain, the not understanding of why, was so bad that I have given up.. but I refuse that. Maybe I have given up for awhile. But the pain of not truly living is far worse.

And I hate not living, I hate being a machine. The machine I see clearly now. It is more than anything encouraged by this society. Employers have loved me, not asking questions, just doing, just accomplishing things and making them money. But the people closest, my family and friends (what friends I have) ... they are concerned. Perhaps they think I do not see it, but as much as I try to tune out, many things still come across. The spirit is strong and provides a way to communicate when neither words nor actions are capable of reaching..

I have much work to do.. but thank you, Martín Prechtel, Immortal Technique, Saul Williams... the spirit reached me. The brain is turning back on.

Friday, January 30, 2009

A bit of bitching

It's rare I bother to bitch about things, especially of late. We all have problems and they are becoming more and more prevalent. You turn on the news and are bombarded by problems. Drama comes at us from every angle.

But sometimes, you just get terribly angry and the emotion just consumes you. And so, it must be released. I know the likelihood of anyone reading this is nil, but this way at least it has been released from my head and into a bunch of digital bits.

So here it is: First, I have admittedly been fiscally irresponsible. The debt I accrued is mine, and mine alone to pay off. And it is my desire to be honorable. On the same token, I hate to be made a slave of, to be expected to not eat and not take care of myself as that debt is paid off. Unfortunately, that is precisely what the collectors expect of me.

Thursday nite, January 29th, I was terribly insulted by the manager of a debt collection agency working for Bank of America. I owe them a lot of money. I haven't paid anything on it in six months. It is certainly my intention to do so, but when I was working only part time while driving 100 miles a day, how am I expected to make payments? Especially while I have car payments. At that time, my car was much more a priority than the other debts.

So now it is six months later. The economy is crashing, the corporate loving Bush Administration is gone, and these guys are fearful I will never pay them back. So, they pull all their cards. Now, if I do not pay them off, in full, by the end of the month (and bare in the mind, this is January 29th) then I will be taken to court. The courts will likely favor them, as admittedly I do owe them money. My car will likely be taken away AND my checks garnished, meaning it is no longer a private matter. But I have nothing in the bank, no savings, because I have been living paycheck to paycheck for the past eight months. So now this guy verbally assaults me, telling me how ignorant and irresponsible I am, how I probably suffer similar problems in my personal life... told that I should be responsible, take a payday loan out to pay them off, or get the money from my parents. First, isn't that what got me into this trouble in the first place, taking out a loan? How is that responsible? Second, it is my debt, not my parents. It doesn't help matters that my parents are both in debt too. They have their own concerns.

Up until this past summer, I was working an internship with US Steel, for two years. For those two years and then some, I'd been enrolled in a debt consolidation program, making payments, in a timely manner, up until I was assaulted in October of 2006. Even after the assault, I rarely fell behind, maybe two, three times at most. And those I caught up with. So really, to suggest that I did not want to honor my debt, to suggest that I was being irresponsible ... it was unfair. This guy was yelling at me, busy trying to make me angry and to break me in order to either get me into the courts and raped that way .. or to break me and deliver money sent from the gods.

Well, he broke me. Not that I have the money, but today I was paid. They agreed to take a large payment now.. enough that paying my rent AND having food is going to be difficult. I think I'll manage. But then they want a larger payment in February. And I am sorry, but a larger payment will not be possible.

It pisses me off, this inhumane treatment. Really, is that not inhumane? The concern is more about money than it is about a person being able to eat and keep a roof over their head.

The second thing that angers me was hearing that a friend of mine risks being deported back to Mexico. Yes, he was here illegaly. But so what? When did it become legal to require payment of thousands of dollars in order for a person to have a chance, at coming here? A remote chance, and there will be no guarantee, no refund.

How did this country, the US of A get it's start? From immigrants. These were people that were leaving behind their homeland, it's prejudices and hardships for the hardships of this country, but in order to make a better life, a better society. And you know what? We are telling those same sort of people now a big "FUCK YOU."

Is that not completely hypocritical? These are people that are willing and want to work hard in order to make a better life for themselves, for their family .. to put food on their table regularly .. and we say no. Why? Simple. Because we think we are better than them. We are being prejudiced, thinking that they are less than us because of their heritage, their skin color, their background, their language.. it's digusting. In the area I live, 70, 80, 90 years ago, you could walk into the mines and hear people speaking 20+ languages. They worked their asses off and made this life for our people today. But those sacrifices are being not only found unworthy, but contradicted.

Maybe, maybe these things will change. I have hope that they might. Obama being elected was a step in the right direction. It gives us all hope .. but now, we each need to be individually empowered to make corrections. To make life better, to make life more fair, more equal, more humane...